PERSONAL VALUES, COMMUNICATION
This week, I am continuing to share about boundaries based on a lecture given by Neville Goddard on the “9 Boundaries” he believed Women should have within relationships.
As always, we must have these boundaries within ourselves before having them in relationships, so apply them as you see fit.
Also, I put my spin on these boundaries, so take what resonates and leave the rest.
First, let’s set the stage for WHY boundaries.
I LOVE what Goddard has to say about a Woman and her boundaries. He refers to a Woman in a relationship, but I believe this is true for a Woman and her sense of self…
“In these boundaries lies the strength of a Woman…In embracing these boundaries, a Woman steps into her power, affirming that she is whole, complete, and sacred. This is not just an act of courage but of love. A profound declaration that she honors the essence within herself. Her boundaries are her voice- clear and unwavering. Resonating with the truth that she is worthy of respect. That her value is not contingent upon another’s approval or understanding. She recognizes that setting boundaries is not a limitation on love but a channel through which authentic love flows freely without distortions or distractions. “
THIS is why I am doing this series based on Goddard’s boundary work.
His words were like a balm to my heart, inspiring my soul. “YES!!!” the voice inside my head was shouting. “This NEEDS to be shared, and this needs to be poured out to Women who know but have forgotten (or have felt disconnected from) this truth!” The boundaries we set to empower ourselves to love and to allow us to be the authentic, soul-led, gorgeous creatures The Divine made us be.
/ˈbound(ə)rē/
“A person’s principals or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life.”
Having boundaries around what we deem necessary and having a value around makes sense, yes? I believe there are different levels of values.
We have social values, including specific laws, kindness to others, common courtesies, and guidelines that allow our society to function without anarchy. Then, people hold religious values. As families, we have specific values or beliefs that we pass on, and there are values in the workplace.
For this topic, however, I want to focus on what Goddard refers to in his lecture as the boundary of “Personal Values.”
What do you feel is essential for you to function as your best self? What is needed to live your best life and thrive in your soul purpose and relationships?
While this may seem like an easy defining exercise at first glance, I believe it may be more complex than you think. So, forget about your “conditioning”...all that everyone else has put on you.
What is important to you? What do you prioritize as necessary to feel as good as possible in life?
I can quickly spit out social constructs such as being kind and good, not doing harm, being on time, don’t lie, don’t steal, etc. While those values are great, I am talking about having a super deep personal come-to-Jesus conversation with yourself.
What is super important to you?
I believe in living our most authentic, set-your-soul-on-fire lives, we HAVE to grow curious about this question.
Over the past four years, I have had to redefine my values. That means being transparent with myself and showing that I have personal values. Before, I just took on what everyone (or so I thought) else’s values were, or I simply didn’t think about it. I just lived somewhat unintentionally. But when I began understanding states of consciousness and going through my midlife awakening, I had to evaluate what was important in my life:
TIME ALONE…
I have discovered that my values include creating a lot of space and time independently. First and always, this connects me to God, and nothing is or ever will be more important than this. Second, this is the only way I can create, whether for writing, podcasting, content, meditation, prayer, or time with God; I HAVE to make that space and time, or I am not living in my Soul’s full power.
CONNECTION…
As much as I need my solitude, I need time with those with whom I have a deep, intimate soul connection. I am not a person who can survive or enjoys surface interaction. There is a time and place for it, but as for filling my cup, I need to connect on a level that energetically feels fulfilling.
FUN…
For a long time, “fun” was not something I prioritized in my life. And I was not a happy person for it. I now prioritize my joy, which means having so much fun- regardless of whether I am driving in the car with my kids or at the grocery store listening to the fantastic 80’s music accompanying down the aisles.
For me, the list goes on and on, so when it comes down to it...
What is important to you in your life? What makes you tick and allows you to be the best version of yourself?
Next, let’s discuss “Communication,” which is often melded into the concept of “emotional safety” (but that’s the point).
Communication in a relationship NEEDS a foundation in emotional safety. We need to feel emotionally safe within ourselves, meaning we know...
What we are feeling
How to meet our needs around our emotions
How to handle ourselves emotionally when communicating
Knowing we need a partner who can communicate effectively and healthily (AND/OR is willing to learn)
While this may not be the state of communication in your relationship right now, that’s ok. If you and your partner are willing to learn new ways to talk, disagree, and share your feelings and needs, you can create a new dynamic when it comes to communication.
Or, as Neville so brilliantly says…
“
Emotionally, let her draw her boundaries around her mental peace.
A loving relationship should be a haven, not a battlefield.
Her emotional well-being is precious, and she must not allow it to be disregarded or trampled upon.
If a relationship brings more harm than healing, more chaos than calm-
then that is not love, but an illusion masquerading as such.
“
I believe communication is one of the MOST IMPORTANT elements in a relationship.
I can say this because, for many years, neither I nor my husband communicated effectively in our marriage. I can promise you that this does not set the foundation for honesty, trust, or emotional or sexual intimacy. BUT, once we did learn to communicate, our relationship shifted so much.
So, what does this look like in the realm of boundaries?
FIRST…
being able to freely and openly share what you feel and need. With this comes the boundaries within yourself of...
being able to own your feelings and not make someone else responsible for your experience
using “I” instead of “You” and (first and foremost) seeking to understand your part in whatever is going on
focusing on facts instead of judgments
not jumping around from one issue to another without resolution
being transparent, direct, and honest
THEN…
asking for what you need to be different, understanding that the other person may or may not choose to meet that need…
…and if they choose the latter, how can you give what you need to yourself?
AND FINALLY...
having a partner who remains open to listening, not interrupting), while allowing you to have your own experience without defending themself in the moment…(absolutely invaluable!)
Never forget...you GET TO CHOOSE what other boundaries feel good...
Yelling or no yelling...Reflecting what was said back to you (so that there is clear understanding with time for each of you to think before continuing the discussion)...etc.
This is where you need to get to know yourself and your healthiest communication style.
Be sure to come back next week as we continue discussing more boundaries that Goddard (and I!) believe are necessary for a Woman in a relationship...
and within herself.
The journey into the realm of “boundaries” can be confusing, disorienting, and hard to navigate.
But if you’re ready for a sneak peek into what a personalized journey of support, education, and life-changing tools could look like, especially for YOU, let’s connect with a FREE DISCOVERY CALL today!