RELEASING EMOTIONAL CHAOS
…and the antidote for emotional chaos?
Begin a journey towards emotional FREEDOM.
But what does that actually mean?
Within the context of relationships, whether referring to a relationship with ourselves or our relationship with something outside of ourselves, be that another person, a job, money, our health, you name it…
Emotional Freedom means not having a dependency or an expectation on something out side of our selves to feel safe.
It means having the capacity to go within, and create within us, what we are looking for.
It means acknowledging there is something bigger than just us and that a part of us is deeply connected to this bigger something.
It is creating a safe sanctuary within ourselves where we can feel and hold all our emotions without collapsing into them and feeling overwhelmed by them.
It is letting what we are feeling guide us to what it is we need.
I. IDENTIFYING & FOLLOWING OUR EMOTIONS
Our emotions- our feelings- our energy is our navigational system. They tell us what we need. And, they are an opportunity for us to connect to our bodies and experiences so we can become aware and present in the NOW and learn to create safety for ourselves without looking externally to meet our needs.
While human interaction is so necessary and important, if we don’t first know what need- what makes us feel safe or comforted or seen and heard, then we won’t be able to communicate to those we are in relationship with.
OUR PRIMARY EMOTIONS & WHAT THEY’RE TELLING US THEY NEED
ANGER
…needs CHANGE.
Anger must also be released with intention, in a safe environment either by yourself, or with someone you trust can just hold witness to you, and new boundaries put in place for change.
Moving is a good way to release anger, as is using your voice- allowing sound to move through you. If you are physically able, pushing against some kind of resistance can help with release or using your arms and legs in a way that feels good to you.
SADNESS
…needs COMFORT.
Imagine you are young again; what brought you the feeling of security, of comfort? Are those the same things that would make you feel cared for now? Does curling up with a cup of tea, a soft blanket, and a good book bring comfort? Or cooking your favorite food?
Often, allowing ourselves to fully step into our sadness and cry our hearts out will also move that energy. Tears are so healing; they cleanse our bodies and our minds.
FEAR
…needs SAFETY.
Often times our fears are unfounded and other times, our fears are our guts sending us a warning. Listen to your fear. What is it trying to tell you? There may be physical factors you need to create in order to feel safe. Or emotional factors, such as creating boundaries, knowing who you can turn to whom you trust.
Looking within to see if you are paying attention to what you need, or if you are self-abandoning and putting yourself in a situation that isn’t for your highest good.
SHAME
…needs VALIDATION.
However, the validation needs to come from within ourselves and from whatever we refer to as our higher power. So often, people will look to external circumstances to make them feel better about themselves- work, addictions, relationships, busyness… and I can promise you this will never last. You will never feel enough validation from something outside of yourself to fully give you what you need.
Feeling shame is different than feeling “ashamed.” When we feel ashamed, it is often around a particular experience, and we feel bad for what we did or didn’t do. Shame is more pervasive and can be constant and is when we feel bad about who we are.
II. IDENTIFYING THE REACH & AFTERMATH OF CURRENT TRAUMA
The next part is identifying the level of the trauma you may experiencing within your break-up or loss or whatever circumstance you may be dealing with. For example…
On a scale of 1-10, rate how overwhelming, anxiety provoking, devasting has your experience been.
How have you been feeling within yourself, with the person you are/were in relationship with, and with your life?
Assess how you have been showing up in your own life.
How are you eating? How are you sleeping? What changes are happening in your daily routine?
How is this negatively affecting your life? Your work? Your relationship with others?
This is especially important to look at when you have children. Often, we can get caught up in our own experience and it is so important to remember that during a time of change we need to be support or find support for our children as well.
III. GROUNDING & REFRAMING
It’s important to notice what negative thoughts are running through your head that might be inadvertently running the show.
REFRAMING is when we become aware of a thought or message that keeps on replaying in our minds. This is the ego part of our brain, that messes with us, especially when we are in a traumatic experience. Once we are aware of this thought, we need to investigate it and discover what really is true.
GROUNDING is how we anchor this truth, with a mantra (for example)….a sentence or two spoken aloud that brings you comfort and safety and realigns your thoughts with what is actually true. This is what you can come back to whenever your mind starts to spiral.
When we go through loss of any kind, it is an opportunity for us to step into self-growth and transformation. And within this we can shift the perspective of our experience from being something negative to looking and seeing what positive change can come from the pain.
We get the chance to become aware of how we may not be showing up for ourselves and learn how to commit to creating positive change for ourselves and in our lives.
When we shift our mindset and choose to see everything that occurs in our life as something that is happening FOR us and not TO us, it helps us to see how we can grow and transform into a deeper connection with our Higher Soul Self.
And ALL OF this…
is only a small piece of the
first step
of “releasing the relationship.”
Can you even imagine the incredible transformation that awaits you across the next FIVE STEPS ???