“Maybe we don’t need to go deeper into our codependency (meaning learn more about it to our detriment, and we get stuck learning instead of changing). We can instead march forward into our destinies. We can remember and practice all we’ve learned about addictions, codependency, and abuse. With compassion and boundaries, we need to commit fully to loving God, ourselves, and others. We need to commit fully to trusting God, ourselves, and the process.”

—Melody Beattie “Codependent No More”

We don’t consciously know we are doing it. at least, Not usually.

**And yet, as Women, we are so very often (let me repeat that) SO…VERY…OFTEN giving our power away, and we don’t even know it.**

**This pattern or way of behaving can be (in some instances) referred to as “*codependent*.”**

So many definitions of codependency run the line of being ridiculous. And as my energetics coach, who lives in England, says, “So many people in America identify themselves as codependents!”

Numerous books have been written, podcasts shared, and theories stated. So, while I do not want this to be strictly about codependency or the associated tendencies, I believe I need to touch on them to some degree.

I have been shifting this behavior topic, and I think many Women may struggle with it. While I don’t believe getting lost down the rabbit hole of what “learning about codependency” could lead to, it is worth writing at least a paragraph as it pertains to how we, as women, can give our power away unintentionally.

**According to Melody Beattie, the word “*codependency*” showed up in the late 1970s and was often used to describe someone who was in a relationship with a chemically dependent person.**

**No longer are the days when one has to have a loved one who is an alcoholic or drug addict in order to exhibit codependent tendencies. I love Pia Mellody’s book** **“Facing Codependence” because she goes into such depth about the subject and, in my opinion, does it in a self-evaluation way that doesn’t base itself around an addict per se.**

For the remainder of this entry…

I am going to simplify my definition of codependency as it has related to my life, based on what has resonated with me from Mellody’s book:

“Having magnified feelings that feel irrational or dysfunctional in response to another that may be far more excessive than necessary for a given situation.”

Beattie has a tremendous overall definition:

“A codependent person has let another person’s behavior affect him or her and is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.”

Feeling this way as a child resulted in my making sure that those around me, primarily those who were responsible for my well-being, were always happy so that they would continue to provide for my needs, which meant being friendly and having the least amount of anger as possible.

**I brought this pattern with me into adulthood and most of my interactions.**

I wanted those around me to be happy, and I took it as my job to be the one who made them happy. This would validate that I was good, which felt terrific because I knew I was bad deep down.
I would say yes when I wanted to say no, do things I didn’t want to do, and lie about how I felt if I knew someone would be mad at how I actually felt.

All of this boils down to giving away my power and not having a sense of self.

I didn’t realize that I- in and of myself- mattered enough to have my thoughts, feelings, and choices because I believed that if I allowed myself to own my thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, I would be rejected and ridiculed.
I saw myself as an extension of my mother and, later, my husband and wanted to do everything I could to behave in the way that I believed they wanted.

**I’ll never forget the day my coach and mentor Debbie asked me,**
***“When did you first make a decision strictly for yourself?”***

**My reply was quick.** *“The day my mother died.”* I don’t know if that is entirely true, but that was what it felt like.

When we are so in reaction to those around us, and how they are feeling, or what they are doing...